sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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