I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
