FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
