You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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