When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
