If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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