Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
