I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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