there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
