Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
