i just wanna soil my oats bro
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
