The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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