New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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