I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How external is "for external use only"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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