It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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