u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
