There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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