The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
