the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
