Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
