I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
