We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
