He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
