so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
