Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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