Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
