They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
