your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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