she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
