I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
