my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
