i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
