Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
