I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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