so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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