The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
