the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
