The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
