I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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