I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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