my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
