all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
