So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i think i just lost a toe
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
