Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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