girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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