I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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