i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
