Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
