Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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