Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
